A Secret Evening yet so open…

Last evening I met someone. Well I met with no purpose, it was just a random interaction with an unknown man who desired me. I wanted to see how does the eyes of a man look when he desires me and knows he cannot have an iota of me. I was selfish. Amidst all the rejections and heart wrenching reality I wanted this momentary elated feeling to be like a balmy breeze brush across my face and bring relief to the sun tormented skin.
His eagerness to meet me, his lurking desire to touch me and his constant stare into my eyes to find at least a pinch of if not affection but lust, all of it, brought me pleasure. I didn’t shy away when he stared at me, I looked deeper to let him know, there’s nothing for him in here but I enjoyed that desire. I could smell it, feel it, it was all over me but it did not affect me.
Sometimes I feel, I fall in and out of love quite quickly. Does it mean I’m a manizer? I think, I am loving. I love deeply, immensely and faithfully. When I don’t get the warmth from my partner and rather burn in my own love’s fire, I repel. If saving your life from harm is self-defence, then keeping your sensitivity alive in you is soul defence.
So, me going to meet him yesterday and enjoy that attention and prey on his desire as medication for my love burnt soul was survival instinct rather than wanting a fling.


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